AM Check In:
Week Four of E-Learning: October, 7th 2020, Year One of Covid-19
We have replenished rations and there seems to be a steady supply of toilet paper. All spawn are positioned in their learning places for the day. My life mate and I are in good temperament considering the ungratefuls were unimpressed by donuts and chocolate milk. (note to self that we won’t put that effort in again).
Child Green has declared that I am the worst mother on the planet and is currently throwing a visible fit on his zoom meeting while waiting for further instructions.
Child Red insists that he is on another break. I insist his is full of shit and get him refocused…AGAIN
Child Blue comes out every 5 seconds for no reason. My only consistent one honestly.
Child Orange is playing with his nerf gun in front of me. It’s like he’s doing it on purpose at this point.
Life mate is in the restroom and out of sight. This explains the sudden onset of distracted and unfocused children. I am on my own.
PM Check In:
Lunch Break has begun.
Like every other day, the spawn have decided to waste most their time fucking off at the table instead of eating and it will be my fault when lunch break is over.
Life mate is getting his daily dose of world news in while I smoke my much deserved dose of good mom flower.
Children are playing loudly outside. Bickering and whatever else they do out there, as long as they dont talk to the transients, I take this as a time to breathe before I alert them to come inside and get back to it.

Okay…
Real Talk now.
Today was the worst day we have had since this all began. Worse than my partner losing his brand new job due to shut down. Worse than having to borrow money from friends and family to help pay for toilet paper or food or basic morale staples to keep us going. Worse than when they first closed the schools. Worse than when my car was towed away because that job was supposed to pay the bill.

Today was finally where I was seeing the damage this was causing my family as a whole.
The lack of socialization.
Little to no joy in the prospect of learning.
The emotional ramifications of being kept in the house and having very little places to explore safely because we live in a city.
The lack of peer reviews.
The neverending suffocation of only having contact with their siblings and parents.
Not being able to go to the store with me unless I absolutely have to take them.
They can’t go to school. They can’t go to the park. They can’t make new friends.
This is basically being perpetually grounded to them.
I had someone tell me a few months back that I was placing too much of my own feelings onto them about all of this. In the beginning, the first time around when school was closed and they started to spiral.
I wasn’t.
They were still in free fall over the summer. As they closed down parks again. As we were told more and more to keep everyone home and away from public places. As their summer just flatlined before their eyes.
All the things they are going without aren’t like having a video game taken away or a screen removed as a consequence. All of these things are wrapped up into basic needs for healthy emotional and social development for their age.
It’s been taken away. We are dealing with the fallout now.
My partner currently works full time. Under normal circumstances even if i were to homeschool and still be a stay mom it wouldn’t even be close to like this. We would be able to go out to places. I would find them social outlets.
There are no social outlets right now. For anyone really unless you are willing to risk it. For children. There are none.
We are asking them to grow up and to do it fast.

Sit up straight and listen to zoom meeting after zoom meeting then complete online documents.
I did online college.
It was hard for me to focus and not get distracted and I was going in as a seasoned and well managed adult.
Learning isn’t supposed to be this impersonal for them at this age.
It’s not supposed to be this forced task. Not this early.
Teachers are genuinely doing their best to make it fun and light and breezy, but it’s not. They don’t care about the prizes or fun things they have been promised.
I can’t be the only one who’s seeing this. I know I’m not the only one dealing with this.